Are You The Problem? Here’s How to Tell, and How to Change


There is no good way to say it…but sometimes the problem is YOU.

Rarely if ever, when you ARE the problem, do you realize it.

But maybe, just maybe, the problem with your life is you if:

*You push too hard to get your way.

*You think only one opinion matters-yours.

*You barely have any friends, and the friends you do have, are not very close friends.

*You are older than 5 and still yell. Or scream. (bonus point if you do this in public)

*You expect people to do as you say. Period.

*You can’t keep long-term relationships.

*You worry so much what other people think that it inhibits your life.

*You can’t control your emotions. And are a slave to them.

*You struggle with getting along with people at work.

*You enjoy saying passive aggressive things.

*Putting others down makes you feel good.

*You are not happy for others.

*You only see in black and white.

*You think everyone else is …..(fill in the blank: stupid, immature, selfish —whatever your favorite go to generalization is).

*You can’t accept difference of opinions.

*You hate to listen.

*You lie.

*You manipulate.

*You knowingly hurt others.

*You can’t apologize.

*You never learn from your mistakes.

These are just a few signs that it’s not them. IT IS YOU.

Problems are really based on perspective. It is obviously never fun to admit you have a problem, let alone you ARE the problem. Most of the time, people need the help of others (with a different perspective), to help them overcome such unhealthy behaviors.

If you see yourself in some of these behaviors, you are probably damaging the  relationships in your life, left and right.  You may not think you are the problem, but if you engage in said behaviors, you are likely a problem for others. While some people might stick it out with you no matter what, like your parents or spouse, you are probably driving most people away. At best, people in your life are tolerating you.

But there is hope. It can change. AND you can change.

And you will feel better if you do.

The first step is recognizing these behaviors in yourself.

If you can and do recognize these unhealthy behaviors, it is time to take a moment and ask yourself WHY you are creating such negativity in your life.  Admitting it is half the battle. If you can admit to yourself you indulge in some of these behaviors, you can begin to eliminate them.

But if you continue to hold yourself above self-reflection, or be in denial about the way you act, you cannot begin to heal and grow.

Think long and hard about yourself, and be open and honest, about what is going well in your life, and what you would like to change. Writing this piece has deepened my committment to recognizing when I engage in such behaviors myself–which we all do from time to time. None of us are perfect. It also opened my eyes to appreciating all the people in my life who are so kind, warm, positive, and loving. Which is the way I think we all, at our core, want to be.

Be well, my friends.


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